Hopeless to Hopeful: A Journey to a New Heart

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I can remember four short years ago when my husband and I were searching for a house to buy. We looked for quite sometime and at times I would feel hopeless. We were looking for a small bungalo that we could make our own. We wanted a large yard and had picked out a few different school districts that we wanted to be in.

We spent over a year and half looking on and off. Until one morning we in our eyes struck gold. We noticed a house that had sat empty for sometime but was in a perfect location and had a wonderful backyard. I’ll never forget walking through the house with our realtor at the time. “You like this house?” my husbands mind racing I know this because he is a silent thinker paused: “yes, it has a lot of potential.”

We went home that night and kept looking at the pictures online and my husband began to come up with a list of idea’s of the variety of things he could do to fix up this little old farm house and make it our own.

God was on our side that Thanksgiving as we placed our bid and took a leap of faith buying a house that had all it’s copper plumbing cut out and stolen. We weren’t able to move in right away and we had a lot of work on our hands. With the help of a extremely loving and helpful family on both of our sides we started chipping away at our little old farm house.

first we stripped everything out of this house, demoed walls, drywalled, painted, put in hardwood floors, and new carpets. The upstairs bathroom looked like the color of boogers. We gutted each bathroom and remodeled those. We added a little barn off the garage for Dennis to use as a place where he could work on his carpentry projects. The outside needed a lot of TLC as well and each summer we work on something making improvements and creating it a place for our family.

Throughout this process we have learned a lot about patience, wise spending, and that although we want our house to be completed we need to remember what comes first in the hustle and bustle of life. I can remember on several occasions being a little angry that it wasn’t finished. Complaining to my husband and well being a bit of a demanding wife. I want this finished! It felt hopeless! Dennis always reminded me and still does that it will someday be finished but first and foremost is our relationship with God and secondly family.

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, yet it did not fall, because it’s foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down the streams rose and winds blew and beat against that house and it fell with a great crash. When Jesus finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, because he taught as one authority, and not as their teachers of the law.” Matthew 7:24-29

Dennis has shown me that life is not all about completing tasks but about the delicacy of family. I have never met a person who unconditionally at any moment will leave anything and everything he is doing to go help anyone who is calling on the telephone. He is an incredible example of how we should live our life out for Christ.

Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving The Lord, not people because you know that The Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether slave or free.Ephesians 6:7-8

We have been cooped up in this little bungalo for six long months. Due to Angelina’s heart condition they recommended we keep her away from sickness to help keep her healthy for surgery. You can read more about our journey with our third daughter in these posts: Angelina’s Journey, Angelina’s Journey, Angelina’s Journey , Angelina’s Journey For almost SIX MONTHS. Yes, we have been COOPED up in this house. It’s been incredibly hard to put our life on hold and I have felt many days of hopelessness.

Until one day as I was sitting in my glider feeding Angelina God blessed me with a new way of thinking about this little bungalo. Angelina has impacted our lives in so many ways. This one particular way I thank her for. All that time I spent feeling hopeless and worrying about things that really aren’t to important in the scheme of things. After that moment it’s like my mind was cleared of this particular way of thinking and a rush of memories flood my mind as I perform the day to day tasks around this little bungalo.

The Simple Things. It’s a little trinket we have had our house for a long time. Dennis and I have always decided that we wanted to live our life out by this motto. Was it true because I know he had been doing it but had I?

Angelina had taught me to begin to learn how to appreciate the simple things in life. Instead of looking around our house and thinking man I wish our kitchen was finished and what the next task at hand is I see what life we have brought this little house.

Pictures filling the walls of Ava as a baby. She was only 18 months when we moved in here. Months later I would become pregnant with Amelia. Spaghetti fingers prints on our white wood work, scratches on the hardwood floor from Ava and Amelia riding their bikes around the house, memories of the long nights Dennis and I would work on the house together talking and enjoying being together,  many wrestling matches with the girls before bed, daily squeals when someone is in the driveway for a visit, the pitter patter of tiny footprints on the hardwood floor, and diapers crunching as they headed downstairs in the morning, countless pots of spaghetti sauce splattered all over kitchen burners, packing the whole family and children in our little house for family get togethers, i can recall being in labor with Amelia as I walked thru our kitchen to dinning room and living room for 3-4 hours before heading to the hospital, stories read and craft time, the girls reminding me that it was time to workout, our chickens, campfires, and I could go on.

These things I hold so dear to my heart these days. This home has been a safe haven for us. I recall the day we got Angelina’s diagnosis and not being able to move from the couch, packing my bags the night before I was induced, fear, anxiety, and heart ace. I can remember how scared I was to bring her home for the first time in fear she would stop breathing, that I would screw up her medications, and that I would not be able to care for her.

I had many moments of feeling like I could not care for her in the beginning. Moments of “How Am I Going to Do This?” Moments of pure hopelessness. It’s as if our lives were in a snowglobe and instead of shaking it up someone has thrown the globe on the ground and the snow globe is completely turned upside down. Everything we once knew in life has been drastically changed.

I think how am I going to do this, God reminds me each time Michelle: “You are doing it and you are going to be ok.”

We have made it through an incredibly tough time in our lives. This little bungalo has become more then a home to me but the place that we are raising and nurturing our family.

The hopelessness I once felt about Angelina and our house being unfishined it has passed. I feel hopeful for the future. For the lives of all our children and what the good Lord has in store for all of us. Caring for Angelina has at times seemed overwhelming; we are doing it and she is thriving. I have a little pocket bible from my first stay at the hospital and I came across the definition of hope: “Confident expectation in the unseen future or happy expectation of good. Hope launches a positive outlook. Without it, lives remain fragmented and broken, personal dreams go unrealized and sick hearts loose capacity to cope. Hope tells you to hold on in anticipation and expectation-because good is just ahead.” -The Bible Promise Book for Women

I thank that little girl each day for the amazing things she has done in her short time on the earth. Relationships that have formed because of her, learning how to thrive in a season of challenge, enjoying the simple things this life has to offer through our relationship with Christ family, and friends. I thank her for bringing my brothers girlfriend into the family 🙂 (they met each other as she was Angelina’s nurse practitioner at the hospital), I thank her for helping me realize that our life is to short here on earth to feel hopeless and worry about things that we can’t even control. I thank her because each part our lives has been designed by Christ for our calling here on earth and to shape, form, and mold us to become more like him.

This last six months is only a very small part of Angelina’s life. A time that we will soon be able to reflect on and see how she has made us appreciate the simple things in life. When we say: “We aren’t really to sure how we made it through that segment of our lives, we are reminded, by the power of Jesus Christ.”

Angelina is about to start the next journey in her life. She will get her new heart on Monday May 5th. We are both excited and scared for this next part of her life to begin. Isn’t it crazy how we finally got comfortable right where we are and we are about to witness our daughter have a major surgery.

To our family, friends, church body who have abundantly taken care of us in ways that we can’t even bring to words your support never goes unoticed, ever.

My prayer this morning is for Angelina to have total healing in her heart and to continue to spread Hope to those around her and to a world full of brokeness.

“The Lord is my portion.” Says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the person who seeks him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of The Lord”.
Lamentations 3:24

Blessings, Michelle

2 comments

  1. patti proach

    so very beautifully felt, and written …… May God continue to bless you all – – We can see His work, thru your faith and hope !

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