A Season of Change
I’m not sure what this film is on my teeth, oh wait. I need to brush my teeth. Good thing my brother-in-law is a dentist. My hair looks like I took some olive oil to it instead of gel. in this season a shower is liquid gold. Crumbs always stuck to my feet, I’m not sure the last time I saw the bottom of my sink, piles of laundry, and if I nearly break my ankle on a toy one more time in the middle of the night!!
I am just in the newborn season. A season were I feed, change diapers, get the baby swaddled back to sleep and three hours later, Repeat. Countless nights of interrupted sleep has left me with cloudy out of sort thoughts.
What I love about this season: The smell of a new baby, How Angelina looks like a burrito every time I swaddle her, snuggle sessions, sitting on the love seat with my husband and all the girls, the squeals of each of my daughters as they crowd me every time Angelina is awake to see and admire her. They pat her head like she is a small kitten and Amelia is constantly touching her ears. I love the way they nicked named Angelina “Sqeaks” within the first five minutes of us all being home together.
The day they came home after being separated from them for twenty three days they ran in the house to the pack in play where Angelina was laying and they were staring as she was grunting and wiggling around, she made a loud squeal.
Amelia mimicked her, laughed and said: baby “Sqeaks”. Angelina’s nickname was born. You see in our family we all have nicknames. Dennis is Len, Den, or Lenape. My nickname is Ralph. Ya, my father-in-law even calls me Ralph. God bless my niece who was learning how to talk six years ago and when trying to say my name Ralph just came out and it stuck. Ava goes by Av, peanut ( she was a premie) and Stinky. Amelia has an array of nicknames. She is your typical middle child beating to her own drum. Her names are: MOO MOO, Mooski, Moo Moo monster, moody moo, and millie.
I love being in my robe and slippers all day, I love that it’s winter and peppermint mocha’s.
What I don’t love is the endless phone calls. Calls to doctors, various appointments, figuring odds and ends that I never thought I would ever have to face with any of my children and a feeling of uneasiness about how Angelina’s condition could change quickly. Right know she is doing extremely well. She has wowed the doctors. Taking a bottle has been huge for her. Children with Downs Syndrome and who require open heart surgery often are unable to drink bottles and go home on a feeding tube. Our little Angelina continues to show such positive signs for both her current heart condition and her downs syndrome. The drugs she is taking are working. They are helping her to be able to grow and become stronger before surgery. When we saw the cardiologist last week he was extremely happy with how we are caring for her and the weight she has gained. He would like to wait as long as possible to have her open heart surgery because her being bigger and stronger is best for her recovery.
I met with a program called “Help Me Grow” that helps montior and set up therapies for Down Syndrome children. Her evaluation went well, she is picking her head up and turning her heads toward sounds.
I remind myself that with each child we have gone through a season of change. Eventually it gets easier, they grow up, and life becomes a new normal for us. The memories of Ava and Amelia being infants seem so long ago, distant. The third time around it’s just a little different, a little more involved and it’s ok if it takes us a little longer to fall into the swing of this new phase of life. This new normal for us is just beginning and like with the other children we aren’t quite sure what is in store for us. Am i angry, somedays yes. Am I sad, somedays yes. Am I scared, absolutely. Do I get down, because I have a lot of strange feelings and feel guilty because I have this beautiful child God has blessed me with, yes. When I look around my house everything reminds me of our life before Angelina and I often get upset because things seemed so simple and easy then. Am I Excited for her life, yes. I am excited to see how she develops and grows. I am excited to see how God uses her to perform “Hope” in people’s lives and just little miracles. She makes me have more of a love for simple moments and just the little things in life that I took for granted. I love that about her. Well really I love everything about that little grunting, farting sweet Angel of ours. It’s those moments of “hope” that I cling to in this season. When the phone calls, sleepless nights, dr. appointments, and stresses seem to overwhelm me I am comforted by this verse:
” To everything there is a season, A time for a purpose under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to gain, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
In this season I am going to hang onto not I worrying about tomorrow for it has problems of it’s own. I am just taking it moment to moment. One step at a time. Clinging to Jesus, my family and friends, and embracing every single moment. Thanking God for all the good he has blessed us with.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
To the countless people who have messaged me in some way, sent cards, gift cards, money, dinners, offered time and support. Thank you truly isn’t enough. You have helped us along the journey and we are forever grateful. Even If I haven’t gotten back to you please know that nothing goes unnoticed .To our families you truly are amazing. I feel closer then ever to our families. To my sister-in-laws I would truly be lost with out each of you. You don’t know how much you have helped me on this journey. I wish I could repay you but know that I will always be by your side in this life. The same way you have come alongside of me during this time. We love all of you and again are so appreciative and thankful we are blessed.
PS: On a lighter note, Live Fit Women’s Fitness is getting a 2014 challenge together. Who is coming with us? stay tuned 😛