Just the other day I went out to wait for my kids to get off the bus. I slipped on my muck boots and rain gear as the clouds opened up to unleash a downpour on my departure to the bus stop. I fought the rain trying to remain dry and enclosed in my rain get up as I first set out to fetch eggs, pick strawberries and some tomatoes for dinner.
I headed toward the drive way to await the girls arrival home and noticed a clearing in the clouds. It was raining but admits the downpour was light brightly shining through as the clouds began to open up.
I took off my hood amazed at the sheer beauty of the moment and no longer hid but allowed the water to engulf my face. It felt refreshing and delightful as I let the droplets trickle down my face.
It reminded me of an earlier event that happened this summer. I had set out to head somewhere and looked toward my garden. It had rained the previous day and prior everything had look dried up, brittle and barely hanging on. After the rain it looked like my garden had a major revival. It was like a magic growing potion had been poured in the soil. We all know that’s really not the case (my little homestead is organic, Yo), but I was amazed at the beauty, vibrance of color and growth that happened with just one rainfall.
Our Souls go through periods of drought and God’s living water has the ability to bring revival to our weary Souls.
The last three and a half years I feel like I have been dying of thirst. Digging through a pit that often hasn’t made sense. Asking God to quench my thirst and to heal my broken heart. What I had to realize is that healing takes time. Healing begins with simply sitting with God and receiving his love.
“If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. He who believes in me, as the scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” John 7: 37-38
I climbed into my car that day in early June and thought! Is this it, God did you bring me through the pit, muck and mire? I must of arrived on the other side of grief. Did you revive me?
You see, I got pretty comfortable in the pit. Grief is all my body has known now for sometime and to be quite honest I didn’t want to let go. Letting go of my daughters death simply would bring about much more change and our life’s dreams have already been drastically altered, shattered and I simply couldn’t deal with any more change. The last year has been a power struggle of handing over my daughter completely to God and then taking her back.
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; non can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell them, yet they are more than can be told. ” Psalm 40:1-5
I was holding myself in the bondage of grief. Held hostage unable to grow and my roots stunted and the plant stagnant. I needed rain, lots of rain and only the fertilizer that God can provide. His promises endure forever and only he could water me from the fountain of life to bring back life.
The water came and it seemed like for awhile I was in a mud pit. Slipping back and forth and trying to let go and conquer. Barely hanging on God threw me a rope one afternoon during my prayer time and led me to:
Isaiah 54:2 “Enlarge the place of your tent; stretch out the curtains of your dwellings spare not; lengthen your cords and strengthen your pegs.”
It had been time for awhile. To let go. To move to the next chapter. I had to sit in grief, feel it all, and process through.
What God has shown me is that he can rise anything from the dead. Just like he bore on all the pain, sin and suffering of every single soul. He see’s us in our pain and if we allow him in those places and sit with him he turns our mourning into joy.
Jesus rose up off the cross and it’s a beautiful representation of how he rises us up out of the toughest situations. Out of the pit, he waters our souls, and he puts a new song into our mouths.
As I’ve waited patiently I’ve witness the beauty that comes from ashes as my weary soul marvels at Gods Work.
It is time to be bold and give away what God has blessed me with through the purpose and remebrance of Angelina’s life. While we still miss her and the void will never leave until we are reunited. God has strengthen our cords and secured our steps as we move into this next season.
I am so thankful as hard as these years have been for the rock of my salvation. Our family is excited for this next season! A season of redemption, revival and a season in which adoption has been written into our story.
God has planted the seed and began writing our next chapter. Im so excited to share with you how Angelina’s life continues to be etched on our lives and how her mighty purpose gets revealed more and more each day.
We are praying for the baby God blesses us with!